Nursery Crimes

The Grim Adventures of Mother Goose

Nursery Rhymes Crimes

Mary had a little lamb,

But she killed it dead,

She took the lamb to school with her,

With lettuce, cheese, and bread,

And Little Bo Peep,

Lost more than her sheep,

Lost more than her flock did she,

With all of them gone,

She took it too hard,

And little Bo Peep went crazy,

Her and Jack Horner,

They sat in a corner,

Eating their Christmas Pie,

She pulled out a thumb,

And said “Yum, yum!

My, what a cannibal am I!”

And on that same night,

A farmer and wife,

Awoke to three mice with a knife,

The farmer took flight,

The wife tried to fight,

But sadly she lost her life,

Old MacDonald saved himself,


His poor wife was just too slow,


As he ran around,

Looked back from the town,

To see his farm aglow,

Jack and Jill ran up a hill,

To “try and get a better view”,

She threw Jack down,

And broke his crown,

And took off with Little Boy Blue,

Twinkle, twinkle, little flames,

Burning all the farmer’s grain,

Smoke up in the sky so high,

Distant fire engines cry,

Twinkle, twinkle, little flames,

Poor MacDonald went insane,

Killed poor Miss Muffet,

Dead on her tuffet,

Face down in her curds and whey,

The farmer beside her,

His face even whiter,

Became the spider’s prey.




  1. poor old macdonald lol!!! i never know what youre going to write here, but no matter what it is, it’s always amazeballs. xoxo


  2. here’s one for the little ones….you should see if one of the bookstores in your town will let you read it at story time hehe. definitely got a kick out of this.


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